A JOKE：SHENG WANG: FUN AT THE PARK

Ordinarily, staring is creepy. But if you spread your attention across many individuals, then it's just people watching.

A JOKE：BRIAN KILEY: SHOT AN ELK

I went hunting for the first time. I shot an elk. I felt really bad at first, but the guy was wearing a plaid leisure suit.

A JOKE：CAREFUL WHAT YOU KICK

A boy asks his mother for breakfast. She says, "Not until you feed the animals."

The boy goes outside and says to the chicken, "I don't feel like feeding you today." So he kicks the chicken. He does the same with the cow and the pig.

The boy goes back into the house and tells his mother that he's hungry. His mother says, "I saw you kick the chicken, so you're not getting any eggs, I saw you kick the cow, so you're not getting any milk, and I saw kick the pig, so you're not getting any bacon."

Just then the boy's father walks down the steps, trips and kicks the cat. The boy says, "Mom, should I tell him?"

A JOKE：BEST GOLDFISH JOKE EVER

Two goldfish were in their tank. One turned to the other and said, "You man the guns; I'll drive."

A JOKE：BASKETBALL CHICKEN

Q: Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?

A: He heard the ref was blowing fowls.

A JOKE：ANDREW NORELLI: WRONG TIME TO WORRY

People worry about health at the wrong times, you ever notice that? 'Ooh, there's a hair in my food.' You're eating bacon -- there's a pig's ass in your food.

A JOKE：AMANDA MELSON: TAKE BACK THE FIELD

I read that, apparently, 13% of young men living in rural America lose their virginity to livestock. That is not right -- those poor cows. I'm thinking of starting the first annual 'Take Back the Field' rally. I've got some slogans for the cows, like, 'Moo Means No!' Or, 'Hey, stop treating us like women and start treating us like pieces of meat!'